Corporapermutandophobia The fear of swapping bodies
by BlendableLion
Summary: When a shy video blogger and a party-hard drummer swap bodies, the most unusual things are bound to happen. Amazingphil / OC Rated T for strong mentions of alcohol, mild language and drug use.
1. Athazagoraphobia

"Haha, it was great to meet you guys as well! Bye!" Dan waved to the small group of giggling girls.

"Bye, Dan! Bye, Dan's friend!"

I looked down at my shoes. It wasn't unusual for me to be ignored by some of Dan's fans. These things just kind of happened. I was really happy for Dan's success on Youtube, but sometimes he would let the fame get to his head. I would try to look past it, but sometimes the comments he would make really stung. It was completely unnecessary for him to go flaunting about his internet success in other people's faces, but he _was _still my best friend.

As we got off the train and tromped our way up the stairs, the cold pre-winter air nipped at my cheeks and threw itself down an opening in my jacket, sending a ripple of discomfort through my body. The weather in London was typically cold, but this winter we were really going to get it. It hadn't snowed yet, but I had always believed that the cold was completely worth it when it did.

Dan and I did not talk as we made our way through the city to our apartment, and the only time he did speak was to loudly swear as he tripped over his ridiculous spiked shoes. I almost wanted to laugh, but I bit my tongue and carried on.

It felt like no time had passed from the great Dan Tripping Event and arriving at our doorstep, but here I am. I fumbled for my keys and pried them out from the pocket of my skinny jeans before opening the door, then tossed them in a little bowl on the right side of the entrance that was filled with miscellaneous objects, including a broken pocket watch and assorted key chains.

Dan threw himself at the couch and snatched up his laptop and I copied his actions, settling myself opposite of him.

"Phil?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't let what those girls said earlier get to you, alright?"

"Sure."

I reached over my computer and hugged a couch cushion to my chest. I was acting stupid. What did I care if three little girls didn't know who I was? I had plenty of subscribers. Most of them were quite nice as well. I would occasionally get hate on my live shows, and had tried to brush them off, but they still hurt. Was I really ugly? I was never one to fret over my appearance, but lately I had paid closer attention to the purple rings under my eyes, the way my face was shaped...

I scrolled through Twitter, but didn't read anything. I wasn't tired at all, all I wanted to do was to sleep for a million years. Pressing my cold fingertips to my eyes, I attempted to wake myself up and make some random tweet, my eyes settled on a single sentence:

_ AmazingPhil u fag no 1 loves u ur ugly_

I quickly closed the tab and opened a new one, refreshing it anxiously, waiting for something to happen. I was so tired. It would be so nice to just not have to worry about this for one day. I wanted all of my problems to crinkle and burn, like a piece of newspaper set alight.

"With internet fame, comes internet responsibility…" I muttered under my breath, opening Twitter and blocking the tweet. If I could I would've said something rude, and probably sworn at her, completely ditching my sweet and innocent act. That act was what I was apparently known for, and I was terrified that if I were to change that, that I would lose my internet fame completely.

It wasn't that I was vain or wanted attention, it's just that making videos was my job. It wasn't something that I had intended on doing, and now it had become a full time thing. It had gotten me countless interviews with bands, a_nd _my own radio show with my best friend. I used to be some stupid little kid with internet access and a camera, and now I'm a professional stupid kid with internet access and a camera.

"I think I'm going to have an early night, so I guess I'll see you in the morning, Dan."

"'Night, Phil."

I tucked my laptop under one arm and slowly trudged my way to my bedroom. The hallway was dark, but familiar, and the faint green glow from my bathroom told me that I was close. _No matter how long I stay here _I thought to myself _I will always have trouble finding this dammed light switch! _I fumbled blindly for the switch, and sighed with relief was my fingers came in contact with smooth plastic.

Shedding my tee shirt and jeans, I rolled into bed wearing only my boxers and socks, as inside the apartment was too warm for anything but that, and switched on my computer. This was how most days ended; Dan or I retreating to our bedrooms to use our computers the entire night whilst the other stayed out in the living room, usually to fall asleep watching television or playing videogames. It had turned into some kind of a dull routine, only being broken when one or both of us had to go out for groceries or do work on the radio show.

We kept meaning to upload videos, such as Day in the Life of Dan and Phil: London Addition, but just never got around to it. We didn't have any excuse not to, we were just too lazy to break the repetitive cycle that was our life.

For once, I'd be so nice not to walk down the street and have crazed fans run up to me and beg for my picture, and I knew they meant no harm, but Dan and I had to admit, it could get a little annoying. Like, I became paranoid if I was buying underwear or something, that some random fourteen year old girl would run up to me and be like "HEY LOOK EVERYONE, AMAZINGPHIL'S BUYING UNDERWEAR!"

Sometimes being ignored hurt, but I sometimes I liked it better than being called out on.


	2. Virginitiphobia

The music was loud and hurt my ears and a pleasant buzz had started to run through my head. I slumped down on the musty leather couch and took a deep breath, allowing the stale scents of beer, smoke, and sweat to enter my nose. It wasn't unpleasant, but there are better things to smell in this world.

The room was entirely filled with people, some of which were dancing, and some were pressed against the walls, straddling their legs around some random guy they had just met, their faces pressed together and tongues down each other's throats. Half of me wanted them to get a room, and the other half of me wanted to be them.

A more-than-tipsy girl stumbled past me, and almost fell over her ridiculous high heeled shoes. Her long blonde hair covered most of her face, and through the effects of the alcohol in my system, something told me she was drugged. As I reached out to keep her from falling a second time, a boy that looked a few years older than me said "Don't worry about it, hon, I've got her. I'll give her a good time."

"Excuse me?"

The boy gripped the blonde girl's hand and tried to lead her from the room.

"Are you planning on having sex with this girl?"

"_What?"_

"I asked you if you were going to have sex with her. Because if you are, I will shove my foot so far up your ass, that you will taste the dog shit I stepped in before coming here," I turned to the girl "Do you want to have sex with him?"

She let out a feeble laugh and closed her eyes. Ugh, she had to be more than drugged.

I heard the boy mutter "_Bitch,"_ before stalking off into the crowd. I don't see why he was pissed. If she wanted a one night stand, she'd say so, there's no need to drug her. If she didn't, you respect her decisions.

I lead the girl to the bathroom and set her in the bathtub, and she fell asleep instantly. Not wanting her to get raped when sleeping, I clicked the lock before closing the door behind me. She'd wake up soon enough and go home, or have sex or something. Whatever. I did a good today, and now it was time to reward myself.

I snatched a random cup off of the coffee table, hoped that it was mine, and took a long swig from it, letting the delightful buzz of spirits fog my thoughts.

"Hey Batman!"

I spun around at the sound of my nickname, looking through the crowd of people for the source of the voice.

"Alli!"

I wrapped my arms around my best friend and let my drink fall to the floor. Allistar picked me up and spun me around once, then set me back on the floor. "It's so good to see you, Robin, how long has it been?"

"It's only been about a month."

"It seems like forever, I've missed you so much!"

"How did you even know that I would be here?"

He smiled. He was always like this, cocky and mischievous. "I stalk you. I see when you're sleeping, and I know when you're awake…"

I raised an eyebrow and smiled at him. "So are we getting the band back together?"

"Fo' sho'!"

"C'mon, let's get out of here. Can I buy you coffee or anything?"

"No, it's okay. Should we go back to your place?"

I nodded and he took my hand, and together we weaved out way through the crowds of people. So much for getting laid tonight. Oh well, there was always next week.

The air outside warmed the nip of my nose and icy fingertips. Inside the house was freezing cold, as air conditioners were on full blast in every room. Allistar pulled out a cigarette and lit it, then threw me his pack. "No, thanks," I said "Trying to cut back a little bit."

I tossed the cigarettes back to him and he shoved them back in his pocket, then blew a thin stream of smoke into my face. I wrinkled my nose, but breathed in deeply, almost missing the feel of having a cigarette in my mouth.

"So what's new with you?"

"Absolutely nothing, lately. I just sit around my house all day and drink the pain away," I said playfully, pulling off Allistar's beanie and pulling it on my own head "I bought a deer skeleton, if that counts for anything."

"You're a twisted motherfucker, you know that?"

"It's not real, at least I don't think it is, but it's full sized and now hangs from my celling."

"Is it a doe?"

"It's a deer."

"A female deer?"

I chuckled at him, then threw him back his beanie. The sky was completely back now, and the only source of light was from a street lamp, that made the broken sidewalk glow a golden-orange color. I kicked a broken bottle with the toe of my shoe and it shattered almost on impact, the dirty bits of glass sparkled like a thousand stars on the dry, sour-looking grass.

We approached my apartment building, a crumbling red-brick thing, in which most of the windows had been boarded up, and sat down on the steps. A man wearing a long, button down coat, despite the humidity, shuffled down the steps, gave me a polite nod, as we were neighbors, then walked down the road, not looking back.

"I don't think I'll come in, I still have to unpack my stuff."

"You saw me before unpacking your things?"

"Well, yeah, you're my best friend. I missed you."

I hugged him and buried my head in the crook of his neck. "Promise you'll call me tomorrow?"

He stuck out his pinky finger. "I pinky promise." I looped my little finger around his and squeezed it, like we did when we were little.

"Bye, bye."

"Byyye!"

I waved once more to the back of his head, then retreated to the safety of my run-down apartment.


End file.
